Roommate

Why can't you use a dirty sock or Kleenex? People put their faces on those!

There's nothing wrong with a little nude Greco-Roman wrestling between roommates.

As soon as we're done cleaning up the apartment, you're welcome to move in.

... please ask before you borrow my clothes.

... I was not aware that I was sharing an apartment with a person of royal lineage.

Stop using my conditioner.

I found your gun. What the fuck?

You can't keep running away from your problems.

No. You can't borrow my car.

You said you'd only be sleeping on my couch for a week.

... I can't just stand by and watch as you take the rest of the building down with you.

I don't care if the show "Friends" had one on their apartment.

The fact that I have nothing worth stealing isn't the point!