Religious

If Jesus died and then returned to life, doesn't that technically make him a zombie?

The son of God watches over you always. Even when you're masturbating.

If you keep changing your saints, I'm going to choose another religion.

Although there is no specific mention of father/son incest in the bible ...

So it's okay for you to murder Jesus, but you can't eat ham?

God is not found in ancient texts or dusty tomes.

Scientology is the future!

Can you please explain in what book of The Bible the Easter Bunny appears?

I hope your faith is a great comfort to you while you raise your unwanted child.

... seriously, it's been sixty years.

I'm just saying with the candles and the skull caps ... it sounds a lot like another religion.

Any god that would demand worship on a game day is no god of mine!

... do you really want to die from a ruptured appendix?