Prison

Don't think of them as "supervised visits", think of them as a "state appointed nanny".

The money you stole won't be waiting for you ...

Prison is a lot like school ...

Community service is a just like the Peace Corps, only with a lot more shame.

I'm sorry I turned you in.

Can I have your car while you're in the slammer?

I hope the parole board will eventually recognize that it was a matter of survival ...

It's only normal to want to date the prettiest girl in high school, but you're in your thirties now.

I'm sorry life dealt you a shitty hand ...

Pardon us for not having a parade on your release.

I've been taking real good care of your family while you've been locked up.