I'm Sorry

Sorry I drank all your cough medicine with the codeine.

I'm sorry that you had to spend your daughter's college money on an appendectomy.

...not being able to support a mistress might make you a better husband.

I'm sorry to hear you were waterboarded.

My condolences on the loss of your spouse ... When can I see you again?

I'm sorry I turned you in.

I'm sorry I got you pregnant.

Oh! That's what you ment when you asked me to bring poppers to your potluck.

Not every child can be an Einstein. The world needs garbage collectors too.

I'm sorry you contracted herpes from me, but can you really say it wasn't worth it?

I'm sorry to hear your oldest son didn't make it ...

I should have gone to college.

Fucking you is like riding a bull at a rodeo. You're lucky if either experience lasts 8 seconds.

At least you'll never worry about someone kidnapping your child.

Who needs men anyway?

My condolences on your nation's recent regicide.

My condolences on your fertility test results.

My condolences on your divorce. Maybe now you can stop letting yourself go.

Sorry to hear about your vision loss.

Sorry to hear you were laid off, but try to look on the bright side ...

I am sorry you will be burdened by my genetic material ...

It's just a typo on a fucking address label.

I'm sorry to hear you were mugged.

I'm sorry I forgot to put that insurance check in the mail.

I'm sorry my boyfriend yelled at you.

Sorry to hear about your DUI.

Sorry about your haircut.

I'm really sorry to hear that your identity was stolen.

I'm sorry, but we must discontinue our playdates ...

I'm sorry they revoked your real estate license ...