Anytime

... it's mighty convenient that your house burned down the same night I was coming over to pick up my Xbox.

Sometimes I wish I had a magical remote control that I could use to make all of you stupid fuckers shut up.

Let's make it more interesting. The loser gets gang raped on the table.

Your gluten-free diet is making you skinny. It's also making you annoying.

Face it! He's just not that into your blog.

I will start paying more attention to you when you start becoming more interesting to watch.

Don't worry, no one thinks you're gay. Mostly because you're fat and socially inept.

I think you are spending a great deal of time at the gym because you are attracted to someone there.

No. I don't care what you saw on the History Channel last night.

Just because you recycle doesn't mean you're a caring person.

... I too would like to find the path of least resistance through your body ...

I still think it's too soon to joke about.

I feel alienated and alone when you make love to me.

With the way you play sports, I may as well have had a daughter.

... I think themed restaurants are dehumanizing for both patrons and employees.

You are an empty Cosby sweater of a man.

... the greatest artistic and social movement of the 1980s has been reduced to a lame Halloween costume.

I'm just keeping my toothbrush at your place ...

Shopping is such a great way to hide the emptiness we feel inside.

I am amazed by your ability to keep pushing love away.

Sometimes I wish the keys on my keyboard ...

I will never love you back.

They're just art photos!

... Bring the pills we were talking about.